I pull in to the state park, overtired and lonely, more interested in getting some cheap hook ups and a private parking spot than viewing the nearby series of waterfalls.
It is an unusually cold and wet day and the park is empty. As I pull up to my site, the damp fire pit, empty picnic [...]
By Jennifer
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Posted in I did it!, afraid, beautiful places, loneliness, mental health, national/state parks, overwhelm, reflections (mine)
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Also tagged I did it!, learning, overwhelm, solo
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February 8, 2010 – 6:00 am
I have been radically rethinking my radical rethinking and my brain is worn out. I am learning so much from you as I plan and process. It is impossible for me to imagine what this ’solitary’ journey would look like without you.
One thing I’ve realized is that I’ve woven in a lot of different things [...]
January 29, 2010 – 6:00 am
I have spent a lot of time alone in this house over the last two and a half years. I have gone days without stepping outside, tearing through a stack of books on any new and random topic. I have played computer games, drank wine, shopped online, called my husband at the Gulf coast.
I have [...]
January 12, 2010 – 6:00 am
As I’ve mentioned before, I am on meds. They are a miracle!
The type of medication I take is not really an anti-depressant, but is classified as a mood stabilizer. That means it is supposed to lessen the punch of your ups and downs, but it does not completely eradicate them. (It’s kind of like being [...]
January 6, 2010 – 6:00 am
If you’ve been reading for a while, you’ll remember that I used to have panic attacks about this blog. (I mean, really serious anxiety attacks where I almost deleted the whole thing in the middle of the night because I was freaking out.)
I was thinking about this because yesterday Joey (the only person who reads [...]
January 4, 2010 – 6:00 am
“You might have hair loss and weight gain.” The hippy-lady psychiatrist is laid back, unlike any I’d met with before, so I am trying to keep my typical suspicious hostility in check.
“Well, I have a lot of hair and am thin, so maybe that won’t be too bad.”
“The hair loss can be patchy and the [...]
December 21, 2009 – 6:00 am
Interstate 35 is congested and I’m stuck behind a slow moving tractor trailer. Eyeing the passing lane, I realize that my economy hatchback can’t garner enough speed to safely move into the faster traffic.
I’ve made it halfway home and have about a hundred miles to go. I slow down behind the truck, keeping my eye [...]
December 11, 2009 – 6:00 am
I keep wanting to write about my not-drinking and my going to AA, but everything I write I throw away. It just comes out too weird and contorted.
So, I am just going to write a big messy post about it.
I’ve been going to meetings, but haven’t been sharing or introducing myself. They ask for people [...]
December 8, 2009 – 6:00 am
One of the things I have been struggling with as I try to think about someone that I can give to each day is my tendency to judge the potential recipient’s worthiness or unworthiness of my charity. (Nice of me, huh?)
This occurred to me late one day when I had not yet done my daily [...]
December 2, 2009 – 6:00 am
Maybe there is a natural tendency to draw parallels between the disparate things we do in our lives, but, seriously, this blogging thing is so much like psychoanalysis.
I know there is something weirdly circular about talking about my blog in psychoanalysis and then writing about my psychoanalysis on my blog, but, well, it’s my blog, [...]
November 21, 2009 – 6:00 am
My mother quit drinking when I was in the fifth grade.
She gave me lots of warnings about alcohol, explaining that being a drunk runs in her large Irish Catholic family.
Because of that, I have been pretty cautious. I know to limit myself to two drinks and to be very wary of any habitual drinking patterns.
Unfortunately, [...]
November 16, 2009 – 6:00 am
“F**k you, Asshole!”
I stood in the parking lot humiliated, wearing little more than my red stilettos as the 6′6″ man flew toward me. His clenched fists flying first.
A protective move placed the diminutive frame of a quick thinking valet driver between me and the assault. My protector crashed into me as he took the punch, [...]
November 8, 2009 – 6:00 am
I used to hate the holiday season. Like a lot of us, the excessive materialism would leave me feeling more cynical than celebratory.
And (as noted way too many times by me, I promise to stop), I live in a tiny house. I have no space for extra coffee mugs, candle holders, and the novelty picture [...]
November 5, 2009 – 6:00 am
(This is part three in an unexpected series of totally inappropriate disclosures.)
I’m supposed to be writing about selling my house and shopping for an RV in anticipation of my drive to the Arctic Ocean. Instead, I have started spontaneously telling you all of these terrible things about myself.
Now, I promise to get back to RV [...]
November 4, 2009 – 6:00 am
Some people think that having a complete mental breakdown is just terrible. And, yes, I agree, there is a lot that sucks about it. But there is an upside.
After that moment, you don’t worry about the same stupid shit anymore. You don’t care if you drive a piece of shit car or if you publicly [...]
