Category Archives: reflections (mine)

Meltdown

I’m breaking my promise not to publish another “All by Myself” meltdown. But, sticking to the themes of It’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to, as well as my desire to create a faithful record of the journey I am actually taking (and not a fictionalized one that makes me sound stronger [...]

Things I’ve learned so far

I’m at Rocky Mountain National Park. It is paradise.
After six weeks in the motorhome, I’m finally able to slow down and revel in the enjoyment of this experience, rather than frantically plan for it.
It has been a challenge, of course, but a few (unexpected) things that this experience is already teaching me:
That it is important [...]

Slowing Down

It started to feel like a journey yesterday. Somewhere in the middle of the Comanche National Grasslands I exhaled (and noticed).
I was anxious to get through Texas. The route from the Gulf to the border is too-familiar and I’m sure most of you would agree that the I-35 corridor is not the right starting point [...]

6 months of sobriety today

I found out that I got the financing for my RV on my 3 month anniversary, March 23rd.
I am heading out on my journey on my 6 month anniversary, May 23rd.
Neither was intentional, so the accidental symbolism is certainly meaningful to me.

Strangers

Many people who care a lot about me have expressed sincere concern that I will fall prey to some criminal injury as I make this trip across the continent.
I received this email TWICE yesterday from concerned family members. I am sure many of you have received this and also know that is an urban legend [...]

Simplifying

I feel like I can finally breathe. I didn’t even know how tense I was. That I was holding my breath and clenching my jaw.
I am back at Pedernales Falls State Park, after several days parked outside of my house getting rid of things.
I still feel a very real separation anxiety before I let go [...]

Favorite Places

I didn’t realize that I had stopped going to my favorite restaurant (of fifteen years) until about a week ago. I was out running errands when, just as strangely as the habit of going there unconsciously disappeared from my mind, it mysteriously reemerged.
I drove to Thai Noodle House, near the University of Texas campus, and [...]

My First RV Rally!

“We needed a place for the freaks, the weirdos, and the human beings.”
It is the last evening of the NuRVers Rally and co-founder and organizer Kevin is addressing the group. We’ve just finished up four days of potluck dinners (with organic and vegan options), educational seminars (veggie oil conversions for your RV), jewelry making, costume [...]

Solo RVing

I pull in to the state park, overtired and lonely, more interested in getting some cheap hook ups and a private parking spot than viewing the nearby series of waterfalls.
It is an unusually cold and wet day and the park is empty. As I pull up to my site, the damp fire pit, empty picnic [...]

A few changes

Remember when I told you I was starting to realize that I was lonely? Well, that really took me on a wild head trip. I mean, not only did I have this new realization to contend with, but it scrambled a lot of my thinking with regard to solo travel.
So, I haven’t got it all [...]

Dreaming of Solo Women

I have been radically rethinking my radical rethinking and my brain is worn out. I am learning so much from you as I plan and process. It is impossible for me to imagine what this ’solitary’ journey would look like without you.
One thing I’ve realized is that I’ve woven in a lot of different things [...]

If only I could write my posts ahead of time…

As I’ve mentioned before, I am on meds. They are a miracle!
The type of medication I take is not really an anti-depressant, but is classified as a mood stabilizer. That means it is supposed to lessen the punch of your ups and downs, but it does not completely eradicate them. (It’s kind of like being [...]

Blog therapy

If you’ve been reading for a while, you’ll remember that I used to have panic attacks about this blog. (I mean, really serious anxiety attacks where I almost deleted the whole thing in the middle of the night because I was freaking out.)
I was thinking about this because yesterday Joey (the only person who reads [...]

Lamictal

“You might have hair loss and weight gain.” The hippy-lady psychiatrist is laid back, unlike any I’d met with before, so I am trying to keep my typical suspicious hostility in check.
“Well, I have a lot of hair and am thin, so maybe that won’t be too bad.”
“The hair loss can be patchy and the [...]

30 days sober and my first day of volunteering

“Here comes Meals on Wheels,” a bored voice flatly calls out.
I am ineffectively trying to keep two bags of food from falling off my makeshift dolly when I hear the woman announce my arrival. I’m in the lobby of a large low income housing facility and a bit turned around.
“Hi,” I reply to the woman, [...]