What frightens me the most

Having been a solo woman traveler already, I realize that my fears for this second attempt are actually quite different that the first time around.

The first time I was getting on the road, I feared for my safety.

But… I learned that people in the world are predominantly friendly, safe, and helpful. I realized I had been brainwashed by all the violent and fear-filled entertainment coming from my TV and other media. That fear was an illness that I had to shake off. I was angry that I had been so duped!

The first time, I also feared for my comfort. I was afraid to be out of my quiet, separate, and climate controlled home.

But… I learned that being warm when it is warm and cool when it is cool connects me with the world in a way that energizes me.In my house, I slept with a box fan to obliterate any disturbing noises. In my RV, I woke up early to the sounds of bugs chirping in the darkness… only to slowly quiet down as I’d hear the beginnings of birds singing with the rising of the sun. (I miss those morning sounds the most!)

This time, I fear different things.

The first time, I was leaving the conventional world to live on the road, among other nomads.

This time, I am still going to eschew materialism and conventional housing, but remain embedded in the conventional world with my work, my school, and my social life.

I am not afraid for my safety. I am not afraid of being exposed to the vagaries of the natural world.

I am afraid of what people will think.

Kind of sad, huh?

I am afraid my potential employer will wonder about my strange van. I am afraid my family, with the half-million dollar houses, will be embarrassed by me. I am afraid people will question my competence as a mother.

I’ve made my decisions and know what I want and need to do. I need to opt out of this crazy, rat-race materialism.

But I am still afraid!

It surprised me when I realized that today.

getting rid of stuff

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