I feel like I would rather write about this stuff after it is all ‘processed’, but maybe I will be doing that work on my blog. Anyway, I can’t resist the urge to clarify a few quick points.
I am not making a statement with regard to whether or not adult entertainment is an inherently ‘good’ or ‘bad’ thing. It seems to be just something that IS. I trend toward thinking it should be safe, legal, and regulated.
(Being a stripper in a club could sometimes suck, but being recognized as a stripper in any other social situation was the real soul crushing humiliation. So, I’m left to wonder…. was it the stripping that hurt so much? Or the societal view that I was a piece of trash that hurt? I still tend to think the latter was the worst of it. As well as the aspect of it that made it so hard to transition into another job or anything else.)
Many well meaning people speak emphatically against this type of work on behalf of women working in it. My experience was that they may have been meaning to save my ‘body’ from being exploited, but their appropriation of my VOICE often felt far more psychologically obliterating.
The only truth that I emphatically hold to is that no one person can tell the story of another person. (And women in my position can be the most self righteously dangerous with regard to delusions of being able to speak FOR everyone else.)
What I want to do is to offer help to the women who don’t want to strip anymore, but feel stuck. When I put out a few flyers offering help with that a couple of years ago, women started calling me. I wasn’t able to be helpful to them, so I want to learn from people who are more expert about how I can be.
I think one of my knee-jerk angry unprocessed things is with regard to my frequent encounters with people who have a savior complex! It is intolerable for me to see myself as that self righteous woman, so I may just obessively post this same sort of stuff over and over again in reaction to that visceral fear. Ha ha.
Whew! RV blogs gone bad? ; )
Take care,
Jennifer
p.s. I am having to study math to prepare for the GRE test and math makes me cry.
38 Comments
What is the GRE test?
I don’t see anything wrong with being a stripper.
Thanks!
The GRE test is like the SAT for graduate school. I took it once before in 2002, but your scores are only good for five years. Most schools don’t make you retake it if you have completed graduate work, but one that I am applying to does require it from all applicants.
It has a verbal, math, and writing section.
Jennifer
I think I tend to share your viewpoint that adult entertainment is neither inherently good or bad, it simply is… Have you thought about taking a life coach approach to helping those who want to move on from where they are? Some coaching techniques combined with your experience might be just the ticket to help women get to where they want to be rather where someone thinks they “should” be.
My comment will not represent what all men think, just my perspective. Men are very visual. Hence we see the proliferation of porn magazines, porn films, porn sites, etc. We are attracted, as a matter of nature, or instinct to the woman’s body. If we were not, then pro-creation would be in trouble. Women strippers allow men to see their naked form, and they (women)earn money for doing so. On the other hand men do not appreciate, or value that which they do not have to work for. That I think, personally, is one of the consequences that women who are thinking about, or are currently stripping should consider. Maybe that is a societal problem, I don’t know. I’m just talking about what is. You have addressed the employment consequences when a woman seeks to leave stripping. There is also the respect consequence, right, or wrong.
All that being said, Jennifer, I admire the choices you have made to change your life, and I admire you as a person for the the hard work you are doing to change the course of your life. Many in your position would just stay where they were and watch their life deteriorate, doing nothing about it….the path of least resistance. You chose the difficult path, and your transparency is a lesson for all of us. My father used to say it doesn’t matter how you start out. It matters how you finish. It appears to me you are going to finish in first place!
Well said, Jennifer.
You go, girl.
I also have a strong fear of math. I have accumulated enough graduate credits to earn a PHD and only took one graduate level math class.
It still gives me nightmares.
GRE – I took the GRE a year ago and did well. I suggest finding a class either online or at a university. I took a class at UTSA. It really helped me to have a knowledgeable teacher give tips on test taking strategies(especially the math part) and to have other people to talk to about the test. After finishing the class my score went up 260 points. Do you need a minimum score or do you just have to take the test?
What do strippers and police officers have in common? Neither profession likes to tell people what they do for a living until after they get to know them better.
As a retried police officer I have learned that people form an instant opinion of me if I told them that I was a cop. I also learned that if I told them that I am a computer programmer (also a true statement) but it they got to know me as a person and then I told them I was a cop it rarely made a difference, because they knew the real me. Being a stripper does not make you a prostitute which so many prudish people jump to that conclusion, the fact of the matter is that their is good money in stripping and many a girls pay for their college education being a stripper. If guys will pay good money to watch you dance nude or partially nude….. so what, so long as the dancer is doing it because the choose to do so and not being forced to do so.
You helping those that want out but do not know how to go about doing it or just need a little helping hand is a very nice gesture but as I am sure you very well know assisting the wrong person could place you in harms way! Screen those asking for your help carefully, help who you can but realize some will need the help of law enforcement to successfully leave and most of them will not want to talk to the police because of other they are in the country illegally, drug use or for a variety of other issues.
If you have any types of music you like which does not invoke toe-tapping or the desire to dance or sing along, try studying the math with the music on in the background. I am suggesting you look for a symbiotic relationship between the math and the music. If the music intrudes upon the studying to the point where you pay more attention to the sounds than the theorems, tone it down some more.
Sincere apologies if I came off sounding judgmental in a previous comment. It wasn’t my intention to hit your buttons, now or in future. Actually, I suspect you will be an extremely effective counselor for those in transition. Seriously sorry if it sounded otherwise.
Good luck with the math test. Just take extra hankies with you …
No one came off sounding judgmental, at all!
My history with regard to bringing up this topic (in person with people) is that I can’t stop talking – a caveat this way, that way, contradictory statements, etc. What I say sounds very defensive, insecure, etc. Hence the warnings about knee-jerk reactions that belong to me and are not caused by anyone else….
What I am dealing with are my own very reactive fears about how I look, sound, etc. I have had nightmares about stripping for the last few nights. (One where I was on stage with my 40 year old body – ha ha! That was a terrible nightmare! ; )
I appreciate the responses and engagement. They are helping me so much.
Jennifer
p.s With regard to the GRE, I don’t need a minimum score, though the program publishes the averages of admitted applicants (about 600/600).
I do well on the verbal and writing, but am trying hard to get my math into the 50%/average range. I made a 630 on the math last time (56%) and was really happy with that, but am getting every single one wrong now. My goal is to get to the mid-500s on the math.
The GRE (Graduate Record Exam) can be one of life’s real anxiety builders or it was for me. When I applied for graduate school at U of Southern Cal, I was told the required score to be admitted to the program was a combined score of 1,350 points. So I did the pre-study with a vengeance. Don’t know how my wife and children put up with me for that 6 months I was prepping for the test. Not too sure, what the test actually told the school, but after that, the program was very enjoyable for me. Believe I would rather have a root canal in every one of my teeth than to have to go through the stress of getting ready for that test again. LOL I can feel for anyone that is planning to take it.
Perhaps writing about your own experiences stripping, deciding to quit and the transition away from it, would be helpful to women wanting to leave the industry.
“Many well meaning people speak emphatically against this type of work on behalf of women working in it. My experience was that they may have been meaning to save my ‘body’ from being exploited, but their appropriation of my VOICE often felt far more psychologically obliterating.”
Understood, but at the same time, it does occur to me that there are very few fields of work that would get a response to a flyer offering help getting out. Just the fact that so many women feel “stuck” doing this kind of thing says something, don’t you think? What kind of a voice do they have if they are doing something they would prefer not to, presumably for the money alone, and they don’t know how to change their lives without help?
I’m responding to your remark “math makes me cry”, with a little story about my Daughter in Law. She is the most math impaired person I have ever known, but she has an enormous talent with knowing and understanding children’s needs. The product of this math dummy and her numbers smart hubby is a grandchild who is absolutely one of the most centered, confident, fearless, happy kids you could imagine.
You have big talents too, because math isn’t one of them is a small thing. You will get over this hurdle, just as you are moving forward with so much else in your life.
Jennifer ~
Women are sexually exploited in every aspect of media. Modesty is not exalted. Instead women and young children are told by just about every form of advertisement and social commentary how to look, act, and feel. This is really disturbing. The sex industry sits on this spectrum of exploitation and represents an extreme in terms of ensnaring women into believing that blatant sexuality and the tempting of men is empowering and valid.
But really these women are participating in a form of media-driven “voluntary” slavery that has them selling something that should be regarded as sacred and private in exchange for money and (for some) the high of feeling sexy and desirable. It’s okay to take a stance, Jennifer, and to want to lead these women away from the dirt and grime of that kind of existence and into one full of light and self-respect. People will argue that a woman’s body is a beautiful thing and that pole dancing and stripping should be celebrated and appreciated, but they are deceiving themselves.
You are stepping into something very unique, worthy, honorable, and needed. Keep that train moving forward and don’t let your eyes stray for one second from your outreach and ministry to these women. As a Christian I may have more conservative views than others, but the bottom line is that few people will disagree that stripping and the adult entertainment industry exploits women and imprisons them in a life of serving the lustful desires of men.
There are very few women who are ministering from a place of direct experience within the sex industry. I’m in awe of you and look forward to following your progress.
Carla
)
Wow – What a wonder example of Jennifer’s comments on this subject.
We all have something(s) that we feel makes us “special” or unique. (just like everyone else) Most of the time you can talk to that person for 5 minutes or read what they have written and you can pick out what they consider as special about themselves. True or not, doesn’t matter. Over the years, I have found most religious or gays will do this in the first few minutes of conversation. What is running through my head as I hear it is , “I really don’t care what your religious beliefs or sexual preference is.” “I have my own problems.”
Ron W has admitted that he is a former police officer and I admitted to being a former law enforcement officer. While mentioning being a cop at a social gathering, can slow the conversation, my telling people that I was a deputy coroner, will having people move away and start making the sign of the cross at me. My wife of 37 years, this morning, mentioned for the first time, how she couldn’t think about my job, the years I was working in the Coroner’s office. At times, when I would come in from a field job and not have time to take a shower and change clothes before coming home, the wife and daughters would greet me with noses held tight, yelling for me to shower. I always carried a tube of Vicks Vapor rub in my shirt pocket to smear on my mustache, great stuff.
It wasn’t a job that you could take your daughters to work day. Plus my daughter’s teachers never asked me to speak to their classes. While I enjoyed working in the Coroner’s office, as the last advocate for the dead, to most of our social friends, it was a verboten subject.
Now readers of this blog of Jennifer’s, know one of the things I consider special about myself. I worked with the dead for a number of years. I have at least a half dozen more, that I like to work into conversations or writings, that I consider just about as special or unique about me and my past.
Probably one of the reasons I find this blog of Jennifer’s so fascinating. She has something in her past which makes her very unique, which she has written about very openly, that I will never experience or really understand. What that total experience means/meant to her, and others with the same basic experiences.
Okay. I was a dancer for 18 months.
My god, I wish I could make that kind of money with my dual-concentration BA.
No ’stories’ about “paying college tuition” from me. I began college at 37. I danced from the time I was 32 to 34.
I danced for the money. Period.
I began dancing at the time most dancers had to quit. Knees, mostly. But lots to drink or drugs, bad b/F’s. Or a combo.
It is a job. I had a blast. I had nights from hell. I had “regulars” who would write me checks when they ran out of cash! Like every other dancer, I had my personal cadre of unwanted idiots.
I met rock stars (Gene Simmons gave me a $100 bill) and actors. I had bar managers who demanded 20% –after agent fees.
Would I do it again?
Yes, I would.
I would start younger and wear shorter heels. Knees do not last forever.
I saved almost half of what I made. Declared myself self-employed (1099) and paid taxes. This meant I took deductions (make-up, hair, shoes, re-soling, contacts, mileage).
Rule of thumb is “a dollar a minute” in a decent club.
It was nice money.
Now then.
I have a 10-yo Bachelor’s degree that has yet to pay me 1/10 of what I made on the stage.
Always hated selling drinks, so I never made $$ at that. The bar managers need to decide if they want waitresses or dancers. Sheesh.
I have never had anyone recognize me –either onstage or next day at the mall.
One night, 4 guys from my HS class came in, not 1 of them knew me, but oh man, did I have fun with them!
The only time I felt “exploited” is when I was not tipped.
No one, repeat, NO ONE, puts on 4″ heels, puts in hair extensions, sticks in contacts and wears more make-up than Ru Paul because they are media-driven or needy (on some level. And on some level, we all are.).
Jennifer, I just found your blog through Bob Gidding’s blog, yesterday. I was so happy to find him, again, after reading him on a usenet group and his infamous “Speed Bumps” which is one of my “favorite books”. I was so excited; settling down for an afternoon of reading to get to the present. Then, it ended abruptly without explanation. Knowing Bob through his writing, he may have just decided that he didn’t want to write after his brother’s accident (I’m hoping he’s fine and back to normal.)
I hope it’s not inappropriate for me to ask you whether Bob is okay. I’m hoping he’s just away from blogging and writing a book.
In the meantime, he has led me to you, and the little that I’ve read makes me want to read and get to know you more through your writing.
Thanks for your consideration.
Jack,
You can find Bob Giddings new blog at: catchbobifyoucan (dot) blogspot (dot) com.
I found it by doing a Google search of “Bob Giddings” and “speed bump.”
From what I read on this blog, he is living in Texas now.
Hope this helps.
Kim C.
Thanks, Kim! Very sweet of you for responding to me. I already found “catchbob”, but it stopped very suddenly. I was just hoping that someone would know whether he and his brother are okay. Since asking the question, I have seen comments on this blog from him so now I’m just hoping he’s writing a book!!! Again, appreciate your reply.
Hi Jack,
Sorry for the delay! I sent your comment to Bob once I got it. I thought he was going to email you.
If you comment on his blog you may hear back from him.
Take care,
Jennifer
No problem, Jennifer. I have enjoyed his writing over the years, but other than a few short exchanges, there’s no reason for him to remember me.
Jennifer, I understand your unresolved feelings about your time as a dancer. I also understand how you have contradictory opinions, you can see both sides after all.
Have you researched any other people or groups who are about the same goal as you? What tactics are they using? What kind of response do they get? Is there a place for you in an existing effort-just to see what it takes to help these women?
Not being nosy and no need to answer, just some random thoughts I had about it. LG
Thanks, LG. I’m definitely thinking of doing volunteer work in some places that seem similar to what I’d hope to do. I feel like I have a lot to learn. (And have realized recently I still have a lot to process. ; )
Jennifer
I’d never thought about strippers before and personally and politically, and any other way, what’s wrong with that?
I mean, if you want to get into another career, that’s fine, good luck with that.
Just don’t fall for the ‘judging oneself the harshest’ routine. Don’t do that to yourself.
If you are beautiful and talented to dance, that’s great.
I don’t have a problem with nudism. Remember that America apparently does. ???
Your not hurting anyone.
As for helping others, that great to. But make sure you know your boundaries and respect them. you can become quickly overwhelmed and not able to help. I’ve been there. I was going to school for Social work/psychology with top grades, but a number of events happened that showed me that the long journey to a Masters was going to be exhausting. So I rethought what I needed to be be happy. I’m glad I did.
Thanks for your courage to talk about this.
You are most likely stronger than you give yourself credit for.
Jack,
I am a self-admitted dork. After rereading your comment (re: Bob Giddings), the flavor is completely different. (Notice the time stamp on my original post.) Insomnia has a big hold on me. Apparently it has its hooks on my reading comprehension as well. However, I would not have read Bob Giddings’ blog without stumbling across your comment. Therefore, I thank you. Bob G. sure has a gift for verbiage–in a good way. I really like that in a dude. Jennifer mentions in one of her posts that she loves words. You can tell that Bob G. does, too. So do I. It’s not just the RV stuff that is material, it is the writer’s gift of gab IMHO. *Wondering if Bob lives in Giddings, TX.*
Regards, Kim C.
Kim C.,
Bob Giddings is one of those rare people who can “paint pictures with his words”. While reading his speed bumps, I had the distinct feeling that I had stood in the very same place he stood on several occasions, especially when I traveled in Colorado with my husband.
Thanks for taking the time to post.
Jennifer,
I pop off and on the blogs and RV sites about as often as you do, it seems. But every time I check back in I am more in awe of your honesty and insight. You’re an inspiration!
I hope the new twists and turns on your road (more like s-curves) work out even better than you expect!
Thanks for the blog – please keep it up even if you don’t “live in your car” much anymore. I’ll keep reading.
Julie in PA
Just found your blog a couple of days ago and you quit posting.
Hurry come back. Still got alot to catch up on.
I’m at the point where I have started thinking about doing something else. Been at same job 29 years and 55 years old. Makes you think what there is to do besides work.
I love everything on your blogs, you are so funny. You have that same off-beat humor that I have and that I get. Then there are other times, I could cry when I read other posts. I’ve been through a lot of what you’ve been through. And I’m on my way to retirement and being a sole, women, full-time RVer. I can hardly wait. Then occasionally, mostly in the middle of the night, I wake up in a cold sweat that I’ve really lost my mind this time. What the heck was I thinking when I decided to retire in a travel trailer, for god’s sake. Was I crazy then or am I crazy now? I don’t have the debt you had but I don’t have the income or savings either.
I think if my house sold tomorrow, I could relax some. The budget will be tight, but it’s been tight all my life so that’s no different. I read your blog on “What ifs… I’ve got a million.
Please keep on writing. During your withdrawals, I’ll light candles and do a ritual hoping you get through it with as little pain as possible.
I’ll be reading everyday.
jean
PS: I am also bipolar, argued with my psychiatrist for 3 months that I wasn’t. He leaned over very close to my face and said, “Jean, you can call it whatever you want, but… if I send you to see another doctor, I’ll tell him you’re bipolar!” Well, alrighty then.
Jennifer, writing about stuff “raw” is a way of processing, don’t you think? I think it was Joan Didion who said that she doesn’t really know what she thinks about something until she’s written about it. Have you ever read Anne Lamott’s essay “Shitty First Draft?” If you “Google it” you can find it online. It’s about the crap you have to go through in writing to get to the gems of what you really mean. Enjoy your day–your writing makes mine richer.
Julie
Thank you for the comments! I haven’t read the Joan Didion essay. I’ve only started picking her stuff up this year, so look forward to reading it.
Jean, I replied to you on the Mile Zero post. Thanks for the comment.
I’m not updating the blog too much these days. I am not sure why. I’m just feeling kind of quiet. : )
Jennifer
Jennifer, could you please tell me story?
I miss reading about your life! lol Are you sure there aren’t any shenanigans to talk about? Nothing? ;D
Either way, I hope all is well!
I found you clicking through my good friend’s RVing Into Dawne blog. I just wanted to leave a note to let you know I’m not some creep who read all the way through to be creepy, but because you’re a good writer and it’s been really interesting to read about your goings-on.
Corrine
I’ve just spent nearly all day reading all the blog posts I could find here. I just could not stop reading!
Thank you for having the courage to share your ongoing journey with everyone, even when it was painful to do so.
It’s been a while since you posted, so hopefully you’ll find your way back here. I hope you know that you have touched a lot more lives than you realize, in a positive way, inspiring a lot of us to take a chance on doing things differently, and not be afraid to be afraid, just do it.
Sending you hugs from Tennessee and hoping that your life is still a wondrous journey!
So terribly sad that you’ve abadoned this blog. We really enjoyed reading about you – and especially your journey – and while ‘we’ are all happy you’ve figured so much out, so many facts of life, so many little things about life’s parts – so many of us want so see what’s going on. ‘WE’ hope to hear from you again soon. ‘WE’ hope all is well in your world. ‘WE’ would like you to check in…
Jennifer … Your blog has really inspired and helped a lot of women out there. Don’t end things with the stripper post. Either tell us how you’re progressing or wrap things up with something uplifting. You’re an awesome woman with great and meaningful ambitions. Cheers!
I love this post ! I was also a stripper for about 5 years off and on. I started when I was 17 ( Yes yes I know too young )and stopped when I was 22. I think there is alot of misconception about stippers. People think we are stupid , evil golddiggers with no souls or that we should be pitied because our lives must be so horrible. I agree that the worst and most humiliating part of stripping was being in social situations outside of work where people would ask what I do. All I can say was that for a few years of my life I was more free than most people will ever be. I made insane amounts of money. Made my own schedule. Travelled at will. Things that now 10 years later as a wife, mother and registered nurse I can’t think of doing. I could never say I regret that time in my life. Although I do agree that there has to be a time that you quit and go on with life.