I was halfway to Quartzsite, had a meltdown and ran home to my husband. I am having a harder time being away from him right now.
I’ve decided/felt/realized that I need to start giving away 10% of my gross income each month, so will also include that in my budget this year. (Dave Ramsey says he tithed all the way into and out of bankruptcy and that if we can’t live on 90% of our income, then we can’t live on 100%.)
My healing through my Jungian psychoanalysis was a profoundly transformative spiritual experience (that I’ve not written very candidly, or at all?, about) and this impulse has that strong spiritual feeling that I can’t ignore.
Taking a hard look at my budget, my financial goals for this year, and my recognition that I need to give more away makes it harder for me to spend so freely on travel, so my travel style is going to have to be recalibrated for the short term.
So much of this is a process for me. When I started this journey I often felt discouraged when I would see how disciplined others were in these areas. From my vantage point, it felt like it was too far a leap to make. Now I’m learning that all of these things are a journey and that moving toward this lifestyle, gently, and without harsh judgments on how I should or should not be doing it has allowed for a wonderful and more natural sense of growth.
Hope you are doing well!
Take care,
Jennifer
32 Comments
You will be amazed at how exciting your life will become when you take a step in faith! Before you were just breathing…now you are LIVING! I am thrilled for you and agree with you on the journey part, we grow as we learn and apply what we learn to our lives. No growth…no life…”no pain…no pretty” (my daughter’s Vietnamese beautician says as she plucks the heck outta Amy’s eyebrows) Same principle tho….best to you, Cathy
Peace to you, Chickie. You inspire me.
Roxanne
I propose an alternative to your 10% thought:
Give 5% of your money, and 5% of your time to those things you deem important.
You wouldn’t want to deprive someone in need of your perspective
Just sayin
JimBob
I’ve been thinking about you so I am glad to see you posting!
Interesting. Before I retired I gave more than I kept. Basically, because I wanted so little. Now that I am so close to getting on the road, I’ve become rather stingy and yet i save less than ever. I’ll definitely be taking a closer look at this concept.
Be well!
As with anything in our lives, repetition leads to less and less fear. The first time I dove off the high board I was very afraid of what might go wrong, but finally I jumped. By the time I had done it for the 5th time there was only a little, almost imperceptible anxiety, but no more fear. There is a fine line between paralyzing fear and appearing to be brave, or disciplined. With each time you step into unknown territory in your life and find your fears were not realized the easier it becomes.
All that being said, I don’t like to be away from my spouse, either. I find it more meaningful when she is with me. Not that I can’t enjoy myself without her, because I do many enjoyable things without her. For example, she doesn’t like to mountain bike, but I do, so I go with friends. She prefers to do street, or bike path riding, and so I do that with her, and frankly, I find that has more meaning to me in the long run. The shared mutual experience really makes me smile down deep inside when I remember it later.
Unfortunately you are the victim of gross legalism. We are New Covenant Christians. God never commanded anybody but OT Israel to tithe to support the OT priesthood. You are a priest before God. See http://www.tithing-russkelly.com and be free.
My decision to give 10% was actually a feeling and not specifically born out of a scriptural teaching.
(I considered whether or not I should use the biblical word ‘tithe’ since I am not tithing in the literal sense. I’m a word fanatic, so probably shouldn’t have! I’m not giving it to a church.)
The only reason I am well is because others were charitable to me. I just know that it is my turn to pass that along….
Jennifer
J – Wow. I just stumbled upon your blog. And, now I am reading every page, starting with the first page in the archives. I am up to November 2006. Amazing. Perhaps a book on your journey would produce an additional source of income. I wish you all the best, now and always.
– AndrewO, in San Jose, California
Having found your blog yesterday I posted a comment on the last one. I will say on this one you are an inspiration to others.
I love Suze Orman’s comment about not being able to receive gifts with your hands outstretched and open when they are firmly clenched around your money!
Give to whatever “feeds” you spirtually, and you cannot go wrong!
Jennifer, I totally got what you were driving at when you used the word tithe. There are many ways to give, or tithe, and you’ve got it exactly right. Another way to describe what you want to do is “pay it forward”. No apologies necessary….some people are just too tightly wrapped.
Ever consider contributing to Domes for the World?
http://www.dftw.org/stories/about-us/photos
Your Journey Jennifer is yours and yours only. You will do what is right for you and do not let others interfere with what you have to do. I have also been thinking about you and glad to find you safe and well
Brenda Brown
This is a good thing. There are so many in need in this country. You have a need right now to give. I know I should also give more. I have to rethink my whys. You are an inspiration.
I am so confused.
“So much of this is a process for me.”
It is a process for us all! Enjoy the journey, you are doing great.
I think this topic deserves more of my thought. Annie and I talk about this very thing, and I talk with another friend about it. Maybe because of that dynamic, I see myself as somewhere between their two positions, but not comfortably so. I give small amounts of money to causes I believe in, but I never “give ’till it hurts.”
Maybe that’s a function of my very low income? I think I gave more when I was fully-employed, but not proportionately more. And, never 10%. Even when I was a devout, fundamentalist Christian. [I'm not putting that in there to say I didn't, and you shouldn't, either! It's just how it has been for me.]
I don’t mean to make this about me. I just wanted to contribute to the discussion, and I do find myself thinking about it fairly often.
I’m 40 years old and I’ve only ever given very small amounts. The material items I gave away so freely were actually things I didn’t want, so I’ve never given until it hurts!
My entire life I’ve been pretty broke, lots of ramen noodles from age 16-35. I married a novelist who was also broke, but founded a company with him 7 years ago that, for the first time for both of us, has given us a nice income for about 5 years.
So, we are way behind in saving/having/retiring, but this is the very first time in my life that I have more than I need.
I have truly been a charity case for a long line of mentors, givers, helpers and just had an overwhelming feeling that it was time for me to help back.
One thing I am absolutely clear on – I have NO idea what other people need to do! I think we are all trying to get in touch with our inner voice to understand our own journey. I haven’t found it at all helpful to think that I need to model my life after some other person’s method. That tends to get me off track.
Thanks for the discussion. I enjoy it!
Take care,
Jennifer
One more thing, I think it was my analyst who said that at mid-life we tend to want to explore/grow/do the stuff that has been neglected in the first half of our lives.
I imagine for the majority of people, the first half has involved a lot of sacrifice for family, children, work, etc. Mine was just atypically the opposite…
10%? 5%? Whatever. The question is, “Are these the tithes that bind?”
Bob, the blundering punderer.
I’m smiling at Bob’s comment…
But I really got on her to toss in my two cents…remember that “giving” doesn’t always have to be in a monetary form. You can give by doing soooooo many different things. Just keep that in mind. As for those times you did donate and it was in small amounts – acknowledge that! Don’t diminish it.
Last but not least – be gentle on yourself gal!
Kari
I second the “be gentle on yourself”. You’ve come a long way and you’ve done amazing things. It’s OK to have a meltdown. I’ve tried to limit mine to one every 2 months, sometimes I go waaaay over my quota though.
You don’t necessarily need to give money away to help others. A lot of people who do round the world trips also volunteer while they’re traveling. Use http://www.volunteermatch.org/ (or a similar website) and find local places to give time to. IMHO, volunteering feeds the soul MUCH more than writing a check.
-Jessica
Monetary gifts, volunteer work, pay taxes, make someone happy, family, help a relative/friend, honest work, faith, citizenship, job, kick some ass, leisure time, looking pretty, finding something you enjoy etc. …components to a balanced life. Don’t put much faith in formula success books. Find the mix that works for you.
Jennifer, I’m not a tither, but am a giver. I think it’s one of the secrets of the universe. I love your openness. LG
Certainly off topic in this discussion but Jennifer I was wondering where you store your rig when you fly home ? I don’t mean the specific location, just what type of place.
I will have to fly home myself shortly for a very short period of time to deal with some business that requires me to be there in person, and I was wondering what to do with my rig ?
Timely post. I’ve had tithing on the brain since about six weeks into my husband’s job loss, which seems like a ridiculous time to be thinking giving away 10%. Even so, I think it’s time to start. I don’t think giving time = giving money. I already give time. Time doesn’t cover expenses.
something that i have parted with in a similar path, is that donated funds always get taxed as they make their way down to those in need, that is unless you hand it over directly – even then it can be misused. financial redirection also has a side-effect of allowing debts to linger around longer… that’s why i only give time now-a-days.
Dear Denise,
I fly away from my RV quite frequently and each time I just park one of the extended parking lots near the airport (often the night before). I’ve done this at lots of different airports and it works pretty well. Only place I’ve seen length restrictions on vehicles was Alaska (24 ft, but I still fit.) but that was a pretty RV overrun place.
Also, in Milwaukee, I parked in a lot overnight and didn’t realize it filled and ‘closed’, meaning the bus wasn’t coming round. After a bit of waiting, some calls, and a lot of confusion from the parking guy with regard to how I got into that lot I did get picked up!
It is really convenient, feels like a safe place to leave my rig, and, if you do the distant lots, reasonably cheap.
Good luck!
Jennifer
i totally agree with dont’ be hard on yourself. All of this is a journey and you have to find your path within it. if at the moment it’s with your husband, then that’s what you need now.
i subscribe to the notion of giving in general. when i’m flush it can take a monetary form, mostly as i’m never flush! it takes the form of time and energy. The things i choose to give myself to always come to me as i move through life.
Lately, I’ve been giving time rather than money. 10% of nothing is still nothing…
We’ll miss you here at the rubber tramps.
good share.
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