I still feel like I’ve gone into a bit of a hibernation/quiet mode. My travel experiences have been wonderful and I want to share them with you! I just feel at a loss for words when I sit down and try to tell you about them.
Sometimes it feels like so much is changing with me on an internal level that I don’t even know what to write. The travel stories end up feeling like superficial anecdotes over these larger tectonic shifts that I can’t explain.
I’ve never written much about the work I do for a living. Mostly to protect my husband’s privacy (we have a business together), but also because I have absolutely no emotional connection to that work. One of the things that has been coming up lately is a new desire/insistence/need to do work that I do feel connected to.
I think that impulse is partly because of this blog. I’m reflecting more deeply on the process I’ve been through in the last few years and have been thinking about doing that more formally through a larger writing project.
I’ve resisted the idea of writing a ‘book’ about my experiences because I found the short and interactive blog format to be such an unexpectedly healing tool. I didn’t want to change that into the solitary experience of writing a book. But what started one morning as a brief synopsis of my trip is growing into a much larger reflection of the last few years.
I’ve written pretty candidly on this blog about the fact that I had a suicidal breakdown, but couldn’t ever write about that in much more detail. I think that is partly because I knew I didn’t completely understand what caused it. Now I’m surprised by new things feeling ‘resolved’ that I was unaware were even a part of my unraveling.
So, I think my new personal writing project is stealing from my blog writing.
I’m also confused by the fact that I have so much less to say, but that my blog traffic is way up. I think, Why are these new people here? Do they want travel stories? RV shop talk? That sends me into blog-post paralysis.
But I know it is important that I keep this blog as the deeply personal space that has turned into an accidental tool in my personal growth. I need to write what comes up and not try to force myself to stick to a particular theme/topic, etc.
So, I may start to post a bit about the stuff I’ve been writing in the morning. It still feels pretty disorganized and personal – a lot like this blog post!