“Did the entire building just shake back and forth?”
The woman on the other end of the phone line speaks to me with emphatic calmness, “Yes, we just had a little earthquake, but everything is fine.”
Alaska keeps your ego in check. Up here, you never forget that Mother Nature has the upper hand.
Mini, I don't think we're in Canada anymore.
Still, I’ve had a hard time slowing down into her natural beauty.
As I made my way from the Texas Gulf Coast to the Arctic Ocean, every evening was occupied with my planning for the next drive.
I defended that practice, and, to a point, still do. I wanted to get to the Arctic, not take a leisurely tour of North America as I journeyed upward.
But, when I arrive at Prince William Sound and my mind immediately starts clicking with, “Okay, where will I go after this?” I realize I am out of control.
Because of some unexpected good news (which arrived moments before our mini-earthquake), David had to leave Alaska earlier than expected.
I’ve just dropped him off at the airport and am at Prince William Sound alone. It is raining and cold and I am in my Mini, waiting for a clear day to tour.
Surrounded by giant mountains on every side of my RV, each with countless waterfalls rushing down from snow capped peaks, I have my head buried in my computer, frustrated by a poor Internet signal.
It is a bad spiral. I get agitated, I go online. I go online, I get more agitated. As I get increasingly uncomfortable, I start to recognize that it is my compulsive interaction with my phone and Internet that is worsening my mood.
This has been a process. As I’ve removed compulsive behaviors, piece by piece (shopping, drinking, television, etc), I become more aware of that constant background brain-agitation that is constantly scanning my environment for some distraction.
It feels like the more I remove from my life, the louder it gets. I don’t think I’ve ever been more aware of my almost constant attempt to engage in some distracting activity.
The realization actually feels pretty good. There is something strangely cathartic about having to contend with it head on.
I close my computer. I turn off my phone. I make some tea. I open all the windows.
I watch the waterfalls and listen to the cacophony of noises that race up, and down, and around in my brain.
It’s a start. And I feel very, very good about my progress.
***
The sun finally came out and I got to take a cruise of Prince William Sound. Teeming with life is an understatement! I saw salmon jumping like crazy, eagles flying, and caught these guys on camera.
.
.
I could learn a lot from this guy.
***
p.s. I literally have not opened my laptop in over ten days.
It has been good for my mental health,
but bad for my blog!
17 Comments
I could learn a lot from him too.
I like the phrase “unexpected good news”. Life needs more of that!!! When you stated you hadn’t opened your lap top in ten days, it made me wonder if I could do the same. These ‘connected’ things creep into our daily life and take over.
What a beautiful place to visit. Thanks for sharing the pictures. Enjoy the rest of your visit there. It was such a pleasure to see your new post!
I’m so glad to hear from you. I was just thinking about coming over to ask; I guess you wouldn’t have heard me anyway! I fully support not blogging if you are immersing in real life (but please keep blogging!)
We are in the process of taking our family on the road, and as much as we all very much want to go to Alaska, I think it’s completely out of my reach emotionally. I greatly admire your resolve!
You are so inspiring to me. I just recently found your blog and I am so fascinated. I wish I could figure out how to make enough money to live on the road, until then I will live vicariously through you. If you are ever in Ohio (god only knows why you would be) look me up! LOL
I think it would do everyone some good to spend some time in nature without all the distractions. I hope to be able to do that soon. I miss the wilderness. The need to “keep up with the Jones’” has taken over my life and I can see that, yet I can’t get a hold of it. It doesn’t matter, yet it matters so much.
Thanks for sharing your journey with me! I am learning a lot from you!
First, you are ok! That the most important, I got worried a bit by the silence!
Second, is that little fellow laughing at us? He knows something we don’t doesn’t he?
I like working, so I continue to go to work. (Wife likes it better this way too!) But is this the same problem of having to keep the mind busy, and keeping the noise down?
I haven’t thought of it that way, you may have taught me something about myself!
James
Jennifer…good to hear from you. I think I am the happiest when I am disconnected from the internet and my phone, but the disconnection part can be, and is painful. Love your introspection, and self awareness. Sometimes just sitting still and being is what is needed.
Good to hear things are good. I can’t wait for my “silent” days when I hear only birds, streams, waterfalls and my own breathing.
I often watched “little house on the prairie” when I was a kid and wanted to be living in that time, when life was simpler, people loved unconditionally and your time was filled with learning and enjoying the great outdoors rather than sitting behind a computer desk in an 8X8 making money for someone of whom you will never see.
The disconnection can be empowering. Embrace it, remember it, enjoy it.
Remember, your life is what you make of it. Only you have that power.
I love that last picture of the little guy laughing at you. Like he knows something. Cute! They look so leisurely!
Cheers!
“my almost constant attempt to engage in some distracting activity”
Lol. As luck would have it, I was distracted by a ‘toon about that yesterday:
http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=1349
http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=1350
No doubt even so recent a date as 1964 is all “one with Nineveh and Tyre” to you, but in that year the Turnagain Arm dropped 8 feet in an earthquake. Yeah, right where you were driving.
Valdez was destroyed by the resulting Tsunami. So things do get lively up there from time to time, not even counting the volcanoes.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1964_Alaska_earthquake
BTW, I recommend the small campground on the beach at the tiny village Ninilchik, opposite the Redoubt volcano. It is serenely hypnotic, sitting on the beach, watching the tides go in and out, digging clams, listening to the gulls squabble. For a few weeks, anyway.
You will pass all that by on the way down to Homer, if you are not careful. Perhaps you already have.
Like Homer for Alaskans today, Ninilchik was a favorite retirement spot for the local Russians back in the 18th and 19th centuries, because the winters were mild and the fishing was good. There’s a wonderful old Russian Orthodox church on a hill overlooking the harbor there, with a yard full of flowers and graves.
Bob, who got thoroughly seasick fishing for halibut out in Cook Inlet.
After reading your post today, I sat back and thought about it. When I am on the road, what is the most frustrating and aggravating thing I ever encounter? All I could think of was the computer; trying to get online, download e-mails, respond to e-mails and worse of all, getting a post submitted onto the blog. You are right. Traveling I guess, was much more enjoyable before the dawn of the computer age.
Well done, grasshopper:).
Isn’t it interesting how a physical journey gives rise to a mental journey? When I travel, for as much as I learn about the landscape, I always learn more about myself. Seems like the same thing is happening to you. Enjoy the journey – both physical and self.
Congrats on the good news, whatever it is.
oh how i can relate to the focus on distraction… the underpinning of that behavior to me is more or less what i do when voting for presidents – choosing the lesser of two evils; dealing with a bothersome situation or finding an excuse that helps me to forget and put off a no win situation.
hopefully you don’t have too much of this going on and are just slowly beginning to kick the habit of a long practiced reflex? as i’ve see you winning quite a bit!
loved that last ….now my screensaver! Makes me smile big time, would love to know this little guy, am sure he will be in a Disney movie soon! what charm!!! Hey, missed you, glad to hear from you.
Good to hear from you!
This process you’re going through is not unlike what I’m experiencing. You are just so much more articulate in expressing it.
Love the otter pics!
Hi Jennifer! I found your blog a week or so ago and have been steadily reading through from the beginning when I get a moment online. I’m caught up now, and I needed to tell you this:
wow! thank you so much for sharing your journey with the online world! I am so blessed to have found it.
You are an inspiration.
I’m 22 and I have severe social anxiety. I have never travelled. I have never been anywhere exciting by myself. I didn’t even used to be able to go to the grocery store by myself. For months sometimes I wouldn’t even go farther than my own backyard. It was too scary, out there, with the people.
Recently I decided it would be a GRAND idea to buy a van, convert it to a camper and tour Australia. on my own. I don’t even have my driver’s license (because of my anxiety) but I have decided I will be brave and work up being able to do it.
That’s how I found your blog, because once I came up with the idea I was of course, instantly obsessed with all things camper/RV/solo travel related, and searched online and found your blog.
It’s been really great for me reading it, especially the bits where you are so honest and open about your mental health and abilities and fears, because some of it sounds almost exactly like I could have written it (meek, useless, scaredy cat me) and yet, there you are, driving across the country! An inspiration… thank you. I will keep reading.
PS… on rereading my comment I realised that this bit
“some of it sounds almost exactly like I could have written it (meek, useless, scaredy cat me) ”
actually sounds a bit like I’m saying you sounded like a meek and useless scaredy cat when you wrote it, but that is completely NOT what I meant at all. just that it reminded me of my weaker moments when I’m completely convinced I can never do anything like this, and yet hey, if you can do it…
Just thought I should clarify. in case you thought I was incredibly insulting.
Welcome to Alaska. I hope you love it as much as I do. I came here in 2003 with my husband, courtesy of the US Army, and we never left. Be careful… it can steal your heart.
Susan