I feel like I can finally breathe. I didn’t even know how tense I was. That I was holding my breath and clenching my jaw.
I am back at Pedernales Falls State Park, after several days parked outside of my house getting rid of things.
I still feel a very real separation anxiety before I let go of items. I think about how much I’ve spent, wonder if I ever might want it again, or if I should hang on to it to give it to someone I know.
Then I feel enormous relief when the things are gone. It is like massive weight loss, or the physical expulsion of a heaviness I didn’t know I was carrying.
It is also a joy beyond words to see an elated recipient who really needs the items I’ve excessively accumulated.
I posted an ad on Craigslist for used women’s business clothes. A woman emailed me, saying she’d been unemployed for over a year and desperately needed business clothing for an interview on Monday.
Seeing her face as I loaded her up with expensive suits and accessories was a lot more fulfilling than my obsessive accumulation of them.
So now my house is empty and I am at the park. It is a beautiful night. Birds, insects, the campfire, wind through the trees. This is peace.
It is so hard to make the transition to this nomadic lifestyle, but these peaceful moments are more fundamentally restorative than I’d ever imagined.
Planning from my already overstimulated, overconsumed life, I imagined that this moment would be thrilling, that adventure would be my driving motivation and reward. Instead, it seems to be an unexpected tranquility.
I feel like this lifestyle is starting to take root, to settle into me. As if the concept of nomadic simplicity is no longer a novel idea or fantasy, but may be a real description of my life, right now.
I can’t believe I am in my RV. I can’t believe I live in my car.
I am so happy.