I am the worst AA student. (But I am a good mechanics student! Okay, back to the topic….) I hear people in the meetings say, “I was lucky to have the gift of desperation.” Well, I guess I am unlucky with that. I am lucky in that I recognize that I cannot drink successfully, but I don’t feel ‘desperate’ with regard to my relationship with alcohol. (Doomed? Maybe that.)
The catch is that I like these people so much! They are the funniest damn people. They are the most *real* group of people you will ever encounter. AA meetings have all the happy spiritual feel good of some low-key church with all the “Let me tell you what a f*ck up I am” realness (and hilarity) of a bar.
People tell terrible stories about themselves! (And not just from their past when they drank, but from how they are still living very imperfectly today – as a parent, employee, spouse, etc.)
There is no pretentiousness, no self righteousness. Everyone shares their own experience in such an honest and raw way. You cannot believe the horrible stuff you start to laugh at. (People cry too, of course.)
So, I don’t have the gift of desperation. I pretty much suck at doing all the stuff I am supposed to do. I am not always sure I really want to quit drinking forever. But I know that of all the people I know, this is the group of people that I just want to be like. And I guess I have to quit drinking to do that.
So, congratulations to me. I get my 3 month chip today.
16 Comments
Congratulations on your chip. Now tell us how the mechanics course is going
Dying to hear about that.
Glad to hear that you enjoy the group of people in your meetings. Three months is a huge accomplishment. Congratulations!
If you straighten everything out in your personal life you may find that you are able to enjoy a glass of wine (or two) without overindulging. And if not, oh well. There’s far more to enjoy in this world than a beverage containing alcohol. It sounds like you are on the right path to happiness! 
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Three months!!!! Congratulations, Jennifer! Glad the mechanics class is going well. Belva
Jennifer…..I think you’re striking a good balance in your recent posts…giving us enough information to “get” your point, but not TMI. Looking forward to hearing more on your mechanics course.
Congratulations indeed!
You are so right about AA, for me it think part of the sentiment exists as a result from hitting an ultra low (some rock bottom) point in life, reactively causing a completely renewed perspective on things where comradery is up significantly on the importance scale, certainly higher than protection against embarrassment from how one thinks/acts or has thought/acted.
It makes me happy to sense that you are recognizing this desire for comradery. Aside from experiencing it in AA, I think you have created a comradery of your own in a sense with this blog and I’d bet you’d also be able to find a way to meet that need while doing other things as well – possibly even hitting the road in a Winnebago.
It will be interesting to see what you think after a year. Friends of mine have emerged a lot saner and sober, but also a lot less fun to be around.
There is no doubt that AA does good work in the world, and there’s an impressive authenticity to people who have already been where you think you were headed.
But friends that have attended tell me that it is also true that after a while the bar talk grows tedious, and the salvation stuff becomes an excuse for drama for those even a little given to that addiction.
There’s no zeal like that of the recently converted sinner. Or maybe you just ended up in a good group, and my friends didn’t.
Glad you’re back in any case.
Bob
Congratulations!!! That’s wonderful, Jennifer. I don’t know if I could do that. Good for you. They sound like good people.
Hey, Jenn,
Here’s a likely quote I came across the other day. A mantra to contemplate while traversing the tundra next summer:
“I almost wish I hadn’t gone down that rabbit-hole — and yet– and yet– it’s rather curious, you know, this sort of life!”
- Alice
Just the right note. I ought to have that painted on the back of my Lazy Daze somewhere. I would, if it weren’t for all those myopic drivers out there, who’d probably run right up my ass trying to read it.
Too big for a bumper sticker, too small for a billboard. Shame, that.
Bob
Hope all is going well for you. But seriously….
http://www.conversationsmatter.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/update_your_blog.jpg
LoL.
Happy to see you back on your blog and delighted about your chip. Ninety days is a real milestone. 28 years after putting it down, I am so glad I stopped drinking. I got my life back! Hang in there. Hug that husband!
Jennifer, I ran across this blog today and thought about you. Talk about living small! I think you will find it interesting. I don’t know how to do a link, but it’s http://www.suanneonline.blogspot.com.
Hope things are going well for you. Belva
Thinking about you today… hope that doesn’t sound creepy. Heh. Hoping things are going well for you.
Dear Blogosphere,
We are looking for our dear friend Jennifer. Have you seen her? We know that she was taking a break from blogging for a bit but suddenly she has vanished. What have you done with her? All of her readers are now concerned. When you see her again can you please remind her that we are still here waiting for her? Please send her our ((hugs)) and best wishes.
Thank You!
The Freely Living Life Family <3
For the love of God, Jennifer, post ANYTHING that will shift that picture of the Prune Convention down the page so that those interested enough to check back here don’t have their poor weary eyes assaulted every single time.
Have a heart.
It’s like constantly having a bowl of dead fish shoved right under your nose. Gad. On second thought, I’d prefer the fish.
That picture would drive anyone to drink.
what Angie said !! hope you are ok and happy
You go girl!