I have spent a lot of time alone in this house over the last two and a half years. I have gone days without stepping outside, tearing through a stack of books on any new and random topic. I have played computer games, drank wine, shopped online, called my husband at the Gulf coast.
Then last summer I started writing on this blog. Then last fall you started writing back to me!
And, somehow, bizarrely, over the last few weeks, I have started to not like being alone. I am taking off on driving sprees, almost all of which are combined with a plan to visit to some friend or family member. (I did it again this week, driving over two hours to visit a new friend!)
I think my new connections are starting to make my old reclusiveness feel terrible.
I am alone in my house realizing that I am f-cking lonely!
The weird thing is that it doesn’t feel like the recognition of some horrible and painful loneliness, but more like having your appetite come back after you’ve gotten over the flu. Like, “Damn, I am hungry! Bring me some f-cking food!”
This maybe-I-don’t-want-to-be-alone realization has been on my mind all week, but the whole topic is a little mushy melodramatic for me.
This blog is an instrument for connection, communication, and conflict – all the things that I am afraid of ineffectively navigating in relationships. Because this is such a strange and provisional online space, I think it ended up feeling like a safe test space where I can try things without the immediate demands of a face to face interaction or relationship.
So, maybe you are reading this because you like all the RV talk, but I am getting a lot more out of it than that. ; )
So, uh, let me know if you ever need an oil change or anything. No charge.
See you Monday,
Countup: Still sober…
Countdown: 91 days until I move into my RV
Auto Mechanics: I made a perfect score on my first Ford certification exam!
I have a viewing on the house tomorrow! Their agent previewed today.