I don’t like sounding like a dumbass

I am mega-dosing on AA meetings. Sometimes I go to two meetings a day.

I sit in the meeting and these other people talk about how they have lost the compulsion to drink. For some of them, that occurred soon after they started going to AA. That is not the case for me.

addicted to me

I am perplexed by the difference between their experiences and my experience.

I have been trying to control my drinking most of my life. I have gone 30 days without drinking a few times over the last year, but I haven’t made more than 60 days in over two years. I have about 53 days right now.

I think I am still trying to quit drinking by my iron will, which is the method that has failed me. I don’t think that is how you are supposed to do it.

I do what they tell me to do. I go to meetings. I read the literature. I shared in a meeting. I call women in AA. I even got a sponsor!

I think the problem is that I try to look like I am Ms. Perfect. (A great contrast with how I share with you on this blog!!) In some strange and pathetic irony, I am terribly insulted with the suggestion that I should call a woman if I am feeling the desire to drink. I feel like rolling my eyes and saying, “Yes, thank you very much. But I am not pathetic like that. I have will power.  I think I can handle that myself.”

Oh yeah? Then why am I at an AA meeting?

I don’t know why I can be so honest with you, but try to pretend like I have it all together with them. As if I am fooling anyone! Ha ha! I am a newcomer at an AA meeting and trying to play Ms. Perfect! Yeah, I bet they are really falling for that one!

See you Monday.

***

Countup: 53 days of sobriety

Countdown: 105 days until I move into my RV!?

Auto Mechanics classes start Tuesday!

My house is listed, so pray someone comes to look at it this weekend!

(They have a Web cam in the auto mechanics shop. Should I post the link so you can get a good laugh? Or is that a bad idea for my privacy?)

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