The upside of having had a 9mm in your mouth

Some people think that having a complete mental breakdown is just terrible. And, yes, I agree, there is a lot that sucks about it. But there is an upside.

I'm going to figure this outAfter that moment, you don’t worry about the same stupid shit anymore. You don’t care if you drive a piece of shit car or if you publicly humiliate yourself by falling down naked in front of a crowd of laughing strangers. (It happened.)

Your gun-in-the-mouth episode becomes an important point of reference. Nothing will ever be as bad as that moment. Nothing.

The experience is completely humbling and completely freeing at the same time. You recognize that everything you’ve ever done, tried, learned, or listened to, didn’t work. In a very clear sense, you recognize that you have completely failed.

From that point forward, the world is radically broken open. You can (and must) try anything and everything that is different from the way you have done it before.

And that part is actually wonderful. It’s thrilling and terrifying and enlivening. It is an opening up of possibilities that you could never imagine.

So, getting to the point where you put a gun in your mouth is bad. But getting to radically start over after you take it out is pretty damn good.

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